Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Stomach Knots

'Stomach Knots' by Jina Wallwork

I would get so nervous around you. I was incapacitated by a wave of emotion. My stomach would tie in knots. Full of nerves, I would become unsure of myself. I would be constantly questioning my own worth. As your voice would travel towards me the knots within my stomach would tighten. I was overwhelmed by the intensity of feeling. The moment shared would seem so valuable, more important than any other. My nerves became constantly heightened and the experience was still pleasant. After, I would over analyze a conversation and I would think of all the things I should have said. In my mind, I was constructing a version of myself; one that I hoped would be enough.

Each moment now seems like an opportunity lost. It feels as though they were important beyond measure but I could not extend them into a permanent aspect of my life. I would like to feel those stomach knots once more. To exist within a moment that contains so much hope and promise. My stomach only knots at times when I can see a golden future. It happens in moments that contain excitement and wonder. I would never have been able to behave in manner that ignored their presence. I could never have chosen to ignore the beautiful future that existed within my mind. My stomach knots at times when saying the right words is paramount and instead I feel silly and stupid. Those stomach knots occur at such important times. Within those moments I know that a spectacular opportunity is present. I may not always be able take advantage of what is available but there is nothing greater than feeling your stomach knot. It feels as though the world is shifting and this feeling is an acknowledgment that your life contains an overwhelming blessing.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Day 12

'Day 12' by Jina Wallwork

I miss her and because of this, I find myself counting the days. As I count each day it drifts into the past. I strive to make each day significant. I do this to justify time spent without her. I merge this day with duty and purpose. I want to look back and be filled with pride and understanding for why I needed to spend this time alone. I will make this day count because it is what she would ask of me. I will not rush through the days without direction or purpose. This is a time when I could be learning and discovering new truths. A day cannot always be spent with those who we love. Instead of counting each day; I will make this day count.

'27 Days' is a series of transient sculptures each representing a day. To find out more about the series click here

Trasna II at the Courthouse Gallery

 'Stomach Knots' by Jina Wallwork

'Stomach Knots' will be exhibited as a part of the group exhibition 'Trasna II'.

2nd December 2011 - 7th January 2012
'Trasna II' at The Courthouse Gallery, http://ennistymoncourthousegallery.blogspot.com/
Parliament street, Ennistymon, Co. Clare, Ireland.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Day 11

'Day 11' by Jina Wallwork

I will be unable to retain all of this day within my memory. As hard as I try, part of it will become more elusive as time passes by. I will be unable to retain it within my mind. I will let go of the memory piece by piece. This does not mean that I consider this day to be unimportant. The events it contains may not fuel my emotions enough to retain the memory. However, I will always know this day as the vehicle that moved my life forward. I can recognize this magnificence within all of my days. A day is a single piece within a jigsaw. Once completed, it reveals the masterpiece that is life.

'27 Days' is a series of transient sculptures each representing a day. To find out more about the series click here

Monday, November 21, 2011

Tear Apart

'Tear Apart' by Jina Wallwork

I wait for the onslaught knowing that your words no longer penetrate. I know that you are attempting cruelty out of kindness. You only ever push me so far. You are unaccustomed to the role you are attempting. Although I reveal much vulnerability, you avoid inflicting permanent harm. You are not using the entire arsenal I have given you. You do not enjoy cruelty. Those who enjoy cruelty would not know when to stop. The onslaught would be constant; instead it is a small compilation of cruel words that are thrown in my direction like a false grenade. If you enjoyed this, you would want to see the consequences and feed your importance. Instead you scurry off to avoid witnessing the damage that is caused.

I am being manipulated by someone who cares for me deeply. At times I could not see the truth and because of this, a few words could tear me apart. I’m beginning to understand your reasons. You have decided what is right for me, without my input. You are manipulating me to follow the course you have laid out. As I become aware of your actions I can see your plans unraveling. I can see the kindness behind your actions and it begins to seem amusing. A kind wonderful person is pretending to be cruel and thoughtless because they want me to love someone else. It seems like an almighty joke without a punch line. Perhaps, I will learn to write my own.

I question how hard it must have been, each time you tore me apart. I question how you must have felt. Were you constantly justifying your actions to yourself? If you need to pretend to be someone else then it isn’t the right course of action. However, this is an act of kindness. It is an expression of who you are. You do not need to be seen in a positive and truthful light. You only need to do what you feel is right. At its core, it is an act of integrity. To be aware of this is a blessing. You couldn’t have behaved in any other way. It was in keeping with your beliefs and values. As I tear apart the illusion I feel a sense of healing.

Direction

'Direction' by Jina Wallwork

Life, I imagine you to be many things. I have desires, expectations and dreams. I have a mind filled with plans and destinations. I wish to forge my own destiny from my actions and choices. I believe that I know what my life should be. Am I the creator, do I know what makes me happy? Can I avoid sorrow? I want to choose my own direction and navigate towards happiness. However, I am coming to realize that the self knowledge I hold is imperfect. I travel along the roads towards my chosen destination yet the happiness I imagined is not present. I can only know my feelings when I experience them, I cannot predict what they will be. When I construct my life based on my expectations, I find myself ill suited to my own creation. Then I deconstruct what is present and look for a new road. I will cease to look at destinations as I find them so misleading. I will follow the roads that align with my inner truth. I will enjoy the journey because otherwise the destination is worthless. I will not consciously choose a direction; I will simply follow the path that feels right for me. I will not try to change or alter my life; I will seek to discover all that it can be. I will trust it, as it unfolds and it will take me to where I need to be.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Exhibiting at Cattaraugus County Arts Council

'Rain Clouds' by Jina Wallwork
'Rain Clouds is being exhibited as part of a group exhibition at the 'Cattaraugus County Arts Council'. 

19th November 2011
'6x6: Art For Everyone' at Cattaraugus County Arts Council, http://www.myartscouncil.net/
100 West Main Street, Allegany, NY 14706, United States.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Knot

'Knot' by Jina Wallwork
You are not tied to me. You have the freedom to do anything you choose. I will never hold you down or restrict your movement. I do not need to tie us together. There isn't a rope to hold you down. I want to see you fly to great heights. I want to watch you soar. There will be no jealousy from me. I merely hope that when you land, you tell me stories of all that you have done. I want to share your experience and hear of your success. I want to see happiness fill your bones and inspire you to go higher than ever before. I know why you constantly return to me. I do not need to tie you down because this bond is unbreakable. Ties that bind, do not require a knot.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Day 10

'Day 10' by Jina Wallwork
I know that within your life there is a person you love completely. Perhaps it is a parent or a friend. You may not fully show your appreciation for the love and support they give you. There will be days in the future when they are no longer a part of your day. You will cry because of their departure. When they die you will experience an intense pain because of your loss. I do not aim to fill you with sorrow. I want you to be aware of what you have in your life, at this moment. Today you can talk and show your gratitude. Tell them how you feel and thank them for all they have done. In the future you will desire to go back to this day. You will desire to reveal their importance and you will feel regret that you cannot return to this moment.

You exist within this day. Therefore you have the opportunity to do this now. Tell them everything you want to say. They may also have important words to share with you. Some things should not be left unsaid, especially if they deliver love and kindness. They are here, right now. Everything else can wait. In the future you will realize that saying, I love you is one of the most important things you will ever do. Do this today.

'27 Days' is a series of transient sculptures each representing a day. To find out more about the series click here

The Universe Within the Turbine Hall

A proposal for the turbine hall exhibition space at the Tate Modern

The Turbine Hall is considered a large space and I would like to use that perception. I would do this by a representation of an entity that is of a larger scale. I would create a large sculpture of the universe within the space. My artistic practice is heavily influenced by my work as a spirit communicator, because of this I have created various diagrams of the universe which could be used to as a basis for a large sculpture. When I learned about the universe from spirit, it didn't feel like new knowledge. It was a process of remembering. I saw the universe from the outside and when I looked and observed, it felt incredibly familiar as though I had seen it many times before.

I was trying to understand the differing perspectives between the living and the dead. To do this I needed to know what they can see from where they are. Spirit communication isn't simply about receiving information. It is an act of establishing or continuing a connection with those who have passed. The only time spirit communication feels difficult is when you are giving a message to a family member, but their deceased loved one doesn't trust you. You are complete strangers and you are not the person they want to talk to. It is a much easier experience, when you are establishing a relationship over a long period of time. You then become more than an interpreter, you become a friend. The conversation becomes more smooth and comfortable. The deeper the friendship, the more you can understand.

The actual structure of the sculpture could be made in different ways. One method would be the use of light. The manifestation of the universe is created through its soul creating form. Light could represent the soul. Video projection would be symbolic of the origins of the universe while also allowing for how the universe moves. Just as the earth is in constant motion, so is the universe. Another possibility is to have the physical core of the universe created as a mechanical structure. As I explained in my book Death and Rebirth: The Complete Explanation, the physical aspect of the universe has the shape of a disc that is in constant motion, and this movement creates the illusion of a sphere. Either the disc or the sphere could be created. It would be impossible to create accurate movement for the disc. This is because the universe isn't constrained by time. The universe creates time within it, but time does not exist on the outside of its form. Without time the disc can spin in all directions at once; a state of both constancy and flux. Removing time changes many rules of what is possible and normal. For the purposes of this sculpture I think it would be best, to physically create a disc that is also a light source. When the disc moves the trail of light will begin to create the illusion of a sphere.

Having a representation of the universe in a large space would allow the viewer to reconnect to its enormity. It would create an awareness of our position and scale within this giant manifestation. It would be a space to contemplate existence as the true gift it is. It is a chance to consider our individual connection to the universe as we come face to face, while recognizing that we are always much closer because we are within the universe. Regardless of the materials used, the object would be constructed from parts of the universe. All objects are constructed this way, but using pieces of universe to create a replication of itself, is a concept that I'm interested in exploring. So many concepts could be explored with the project but it would also be an act of gratitude for everything the universe is.

click here to find out more about Death and Rebirth: The Complete Explanation
click here to find out more about the Turbine Hall.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Rain Clouds

'Rain Clouds' by Jina Wallwork

Within each of your tears I can see the rain cloud where it originates. It has been following you for days. As you cry I can see that the clouds will soon depart. It may take some time for you to heal from all that has occurred, but the rain does not fall every day. Your life will change; this rain cloud will grow smaller. On some days it will be surrounded by the warmth of the sun. You just need time to heal and the weather will change.